How to Have More Fun With Your Husband.

Hey, Ambitious Woman.

Are you tired of arguing with your husband?

Or, are you avoiding each other so that you don’t get into another argument?

If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. I was there for over a decade with my husband.

Since I turned my marriage around and became an expert in women-centered marriage coaching, let me tell you my theory:

90% of marriage conflict is completely unnecessary because most are PREVENTABLE.

To be clear, I’m not saying that all conflict is bad. Some of it actually is healthy.

But I’m talking about the conflict that sprouts like uncontrollable weeds because your marriage garden has been deeply neglected.

One of my favorite ways to re-nourish the soil of your marriage, and prevent weeds, is feeding your marriage with good old-fashioned FUN.

Simple, but probably 100x more powerful than always talking, unpacking, and analyzing emotions. (Don’t get me wrong, that has its time and place).

Now, if you’re a Type A ambitious woman like me, having fun can oftentimes feel inaccessible, even unattainable. With your never-ending to-do list, not to mention everyone and their mom wanting a piece of you, it’s no wonder you default to “get sh** done” warrior mode.

However, it’s important to recognize this and create balance, versus living on autopilot.

For a few seasons, this is fine. Maybe even necessary. But the cold truth is if you continue to prioritize function over fun, “serious” will become “your personality,” and eventually, you will wonder, “What happened to me? I used to feel joy. I used to have a sense of humor?”

The cost of not prioritizing fun.

All your efficiency, productivity, and high function have supported you in achieving success. But the truth is, it comes at a cost to your spirit and your marriage’s happiness.

You may be feeling right now one or more of these:

• No matter how much you do, you feel like it’s not enough

• You feel burnt out and unappreciated.

• You are constantly worrying about what you did wrong.

• Your marriage feels cold and sharp versus warm and soft.

• You and your husband have the same arguments over and over again.

• Date nights feel dull. You have nothing to talk about other than kids and logistics. Or you often end up getting into an argument.

Want to know the irony? All the bickering and miscommunication are actually costing you more time and productivity.

If you relate to any of this, you’re not alone. This is a serious (no pun intended) problem in modern marriages with two working parents.

If you are like me and believe that there has to be a better way life, to marriage, to living, then you are in the right place.

I have deconstructed my method just for you.

5 Steps to Having More Fun with Your Husband.

STEP 1: AFFIRM THIS – “I am the creator of joy and fun in my life. I deserve joy and fun in my life, anytime, any place“

You see, fun is mostly an inside job.

You have to believe that you deserve to have fun anytime, any place, AND that you are the CREATOR of it. Fun is not dependent on conditions to be just right.

Also, the more you believe you deserve fun without conditions (like when the kids graduate, or when I finish my to-do list, or when my husband can help me out more), the more you’ll find that simple little pleasures can be fun.

Like filling your beloved Stanley cup with your favorite iced beverage (For me, it’s unsweetened iced tea with lemon and mint)

Like lighting a delicious candle while you work while listening to your favorite jams. Which BTW, if you haven’t checked out my HIGHER LOVE playlist (HERE), you are missing out!

Like sending a spontaneous, naughty text to your husband.

STEP 2: Release Judgment

Judgment is the ultimate killjoy.

If you notice yourself judging your husband for anything ranging from his outfit choice to his attitude, use my technique.

3-Step P-A-R:

P = Pause

A = Acknowledge your judgment

R = Release

Oftentimes (admittedly, not all the time), releasing it can be as simple as noticing yourself holding a pen and choosing to let it drop to the floor.

I used to internally judge my husband so bad for being a “bad dancer”. Whenever we would go on the dance floor at weddings, we lasted for one song before just went our separate ways. But when I began to work on my marriage, I noticed how rude I was being to him and I didn’t want to be like that anymore. I used PAR method. I stopped judging him. I started embracing him even with his two left feet! Since the I realized, he wasn’t that bad of a dancer. And I wasn’t that good! But the bigger point is, I fed the soil and fun began to flourish between us.

A split-second choice can make the difference between joy and misery.

Step 3: Make sure you and your husband are consciously aligned on the activity you are doing.

Here’s what I mean by that.

Let’s say the dynamic in your marriage is that you are the leader in most cases. For example, you mostly call the shots.

In this dynamic, he defers to you – A LOT. So you end up making most of the decisions, like which restaurant to go to.

But if you notice that the evening usually unfolds with him being “low vibe,” complaining about the food, the service, or the show. That is because, unconsciously, he was NOT on board.

Even thought he said “Anything you choose is good with me”, on the inside, he feels like he has no control. No power. The picking a fight with you, the complaining, is likely a symptom of that.

Here is what you can do:

To ensure that he is consciously on board with the activity, then if he says, “Whatever you want to do,” then give him 2-3 choices to pick from. And whatever he goes with, stand 100% behind him.

You just accomplished four awesome things in one fell swoop. You empowered him, he felt respected, you created conscious alignment, and you stepped into being a compassionate leader.

Step 4: Set an intention on the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE you want to have, then RELEASE EXPECTATIONS.

At first, it may sound like a paradox, but let me tell you, it is the key to EVERYTHING you want.

Let’s drill down on these two concepts, shall we?

Setting your intentions.

If you don’t consciously set your intentions, how do you know what you want or don’t want?

For example, let’s say you are having light-hearted conversations on date night. But deep inside, you really wanted to have deep, meaningful conversations with your husband.

If you don’t name it, and it doesn’t turn out that way, you will be disappointed, and your husband will feel it, and feel bad about himself. That will make your entire date night go sideways.

But if you set an intention, it will remind you to steer your date night back in that direction.

In other words, you become the master of your destiny!

Now, the second part.

Releasing expectations

This is where the art comes in. If you want deep conversations but your husband doesn’t, then most likely, you will get agitated.

You may even try to force him into a conversation he doesn’t want to have. He’ll feel pushed and shut you down. Trust me, I’ve been down this road too many times.

A better approach is to release expectations. Expectations is another killjoy!

Step 5: Shower your husband with appreciation before, during, and after.

For example, you could say something like this to your husband:

• “Babe, thank you for hanging out with me”

• “Mmmm…I was just thinking how handsome you are”

• “Babe I’m having so much fun with you”

• “I love how you make me laugh”

• “You are looking FINE”

It may seem awkward initially, but push through because it will be worth it.

Gratitude is sunlight for the soul.

There you have it! My 5 Steps to Having More Fun With Your Husband.

Remember, having fun with your husband is nourishing your marriage garden so that weeds (arguments) don’t take over.  Instead, you get to enjoy the fruits of the beautiful moments you create together.

If you’d like more support on how to nourish your garden and stop having the same draining arguments over and over again, check out my 1-1 coaching program.